The dog days are over, the dog days are done.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way. - Charles Dickens

I'd be hard-pressed to find a quote, whether from literature, song, film or otherwise that so perfectly encapsulates what my 2010 was like. It was a year of growth, of change and that change was extremely painful at times. There's times I'd not like to ever repeat again and there's days, nights, people that I will never, ever forget. This year left its thumbprint on me more than possibly all the ones before it. This year I had to decide whether to do or die, sink or swim, fight or flight.

And He was there. Through every tear and laugh, fear and triumph. That's how I know that 2011 will be the best year yet. Because no matter what happens, I am His and He is mine.

Imagine.

Imagine a hand as small as your thumb

That can hold up the earth and light up the sun.

Imagine a face with tiny blue eyes

That saw angels dance at the birth of the skies.

Imagine plump toes on pudgy soft feet

That have lead mighty armies down heavenly streets.

Imagine a little button-like nose

That gave breath to life and smelt the first rose.

Imagine a mouth that’s gentle and small

Yet uttered the words of creation’s great call

Imagine a baby with gentle soft breath

Who possesses the strength to overcome death.

Imagine a mother who cuddles and sings

And holds in her arms the King of all Kings.

Imagine the Lord of the Heavenly Hosts

Wrapped up in a manger ‘mid cattle and goats.

Imagine a child who may hunger and cry

But yet had the courage to come here to die.

A baby called Jesus, born in the hay

Born long ago, but alive to this day.

He came here and lived in the humblest home

To give us the chance to sit near His throne.

Imagine the day when we’re called home on high

To see Him in glory in the great “by and by”.

Imagine “forever” in the warmth of the love

Of that gentle baby who came from above.  --Mark H.

Gravity's pulling, You're still holding my heart.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and My door's always open
You can come anytime you want." -- She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5

That song, especially the particular quoted part came to mind tonight in Vessels. It was a night of laughs and almost-tears, jokes and honesty, "humanness" and rawness.

Life isn't always fun. In fact, most days, it's pretty dang hard. The pressures of 'living up to it all' can just about crush you if you're not careful.

However, call me Pollyanna or Izzie Stevens all you want, I am determined to still find the good in life. I don't believe God put us on this earth to 'hold out til Heaven'. He told us to pray "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." I want to experience a little taste of Heaven on Earth, every day. And some days it might be an overwhelming revelation, or a huge breakthrough. But some days it's the things you weren't even looking for...closure, being His mouthpiece when it's you that needs the encouragement, newfound friendships and laughing about silly stuff, Starbucks on a Texas winter day.

I've heard a quote that said "If He's not Lord of all, He's not Lord at all." Honestly, it kinda rubbed me the wrong way at first, seeming a little judgmental and harsh. But if you think about it, it's true. If He's not Lord of my good days as well as my bad days, is He really my Lord? If I'm only crying and whining to Him when I'm in trouble or hurting and not rejoicing and thanking Him for the good, what kind of relationship is that? If I had someone that I called my 'best friend' yet only asked them for things and help all the time without ever really sitting down to listen to them or talk to them....how long do you think we would have that friendship? How deep of a friendship would that be?

I want to laugh with Him and cry with Him, sing praises and give thanks. "All of my life, in every season; You are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship." All. Good and bad, even ugly. Harvest and drought. In everything.

IZZIE: I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year, and I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we'll all be okay. I believe a lot of things....I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive. -- Grey's Anatomy

Don't save it all for Christmas Day, find a way to give a little love every day.

Ah, the Christmas season. As I heard it said the other day, it brings out both the best in people...and the worst.

Take today for instance (yesterday to be exact, Sunday the 5th). My dad and I were in Walmart picking up a few necessities, odds and ends and whatnot. It was a madhouse in there, I could tell it was going to be by the nearly full parking lot before we even walked in. I commented to my dad how it was "kinda scary, considering this is only the first weekend in December." We get to the check-out line, and there's this woman in front of us. She's quiet until the cashier accidently starts ringing up some of our items as hers, and this just sets her off. She starts snapping about how "this is the express line, it shouldn't take this long!", etc, etc. The cashier (and his successor, as he was about to go on break) apologized profusely, but nothing was gonna settle this woman down. She continued to rant until the sale was final, she yanked her items off the counter in a huff and stormed off......I watched as she walked off, yet stopped to continue ranting to a manager about this travesty. My dad, the second cashier and the people behind us in line all kinda just shook our heads in disbelief and chuckled to ourselves. My dad asked me later in the car if I'd noticed -- in the midst of this woman's tirade -- that the couple behind us had let two people go ahead of them, because they had fewer items than the said couple. It amazed me. Here, in the same line, was the best and the worst.

And it got me to thinking.....which person will I choose to be? Will I choose to let stress overtake my joy, impatience overtake my kindness? Will I let tiredness overwhelm my tongue and cause me to snap at loved ones? Or will I stop -- take a deep breath, say a prayer and truly remember the Reason for the Season? It's really something to think about. We can get so wrapped up in looking for the 'perfect gift' for someone that we miss the gifts that He's already given us and is trying to still bestow upon us! Friends. Family. Happiness. Health. The simple joys of life. A smile from a stranger. Simply waking up in the morning and breathing fresh air. That baby born in the filth and lowliness of a manger, to save our souls.

I don't want to get so caught up in the rush of it all that I miss the point of it all. Ever. In December, or January, or February, so on and so on. This, truly is my greatest wish for this Christmas season. That He would open my eyes to the hurting, the ones in need. That He would open my heart to receive what He has for me, and also to be grateful for what I already have. To both accept and reflect His love to all mankind. Because really....isn't that what it's all about?

Where the sun comes up about ten in the morning and the sun goes down about three in the day.

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” -- Nelson Mandela

For as long as I can remember, my family and I have visited my mom's extended family in Kentucky and Tennessee. We've always driven the some odd fourteen hours that it takes to get there, and with a family of six, that definitely has gotten interesting at times! Before the days of iPods and in-car DVD players (or at least before we had them), those hours were full of looking at the scenery (mountains aka hills to Texan kids are quite the sight to see!) and falling asleep to country hits on cassette (yes, cassette and not CD!). Restless Heart, Reba, Alabama....it's still hard for me to keep from yawning when I hear "Love In The First Degree"!

Although we've visited in the summertime before, our favorite time to visit has always been in the fall. You'll see more colors that God has painted the trees on all those hills than you thought existed! It's beautiful. And if you're lucky, maybe even a little snow.

And so, tomorrow we will take yet another trek northeast and experience all the sights and sounds that have become so familiar yet never get old. It's such a comfort, it's hard to put into words. Through the hustle and bustle of life and it's struggles, sometimes you can tend to forget who you really are. Situations and people change you and you may not even realize it. You're older, wiser, different, but inside really still the same. But it's like when I step into my great-aunt's house that has barely changed since I was in diapers, or bear hug my cousin and hear her signature laugh, I remember. The real me -- two and a half years old and decked out in a clown costume, running right into a stranger's house while trick-or-treating -- comes out. And she was always there, it just took a little reminder. It's amazing to me how much one can learn about themselves just by getting back to your roots...roots that you may not even remember or realize you had. I see my feistiness and sense of humor in several cousins, I meet other cousins I never knew existed, and it all starts to piece itself together like an heirloom quilt. The pieces were always there, I just didn't fully realize it.

You treat life like a picture, but it's not a moment that's frozen in time.

A few pictures from this past weekend!


Sunset on Friday night, the drive down to Houston.


The incredibly beautiful venue for the reception.


A pretty gazebo in the reception hall where we took pictures!


Cousins! L-R: Kelsey, Kaylan and myself.


We noticed while taking pics that they'd made some pretty funny makeshift repairs to the torn fabric....


8.0 in Downtown Fort Worth in full fall regalia.


Kelsey at Los Vaqueros with the baby niece Olivia (who was becoming a little upset)


On the way home from lunch, my dad took us by this house on White Settlement Rd. where a guy had decorated his entire yard in beer cans. Only in the South...

I need You so much closer. So, come on.

I attended the out-of-town wedding of one of my cousins today. She’s in her forties, and was just married for the first time. My uncle, her dad, spoke of her patience in waiting for the man God would have to be her husband, and how sometimes she didn’t know if he even existed or was a part of God’s plan for her life. And I sat there thinking about how hard it must have been for her to see all her friends get married, and her sister find a husband and have a child, while she was still single. But when I saw the look of pure joy on her face today that never left her, and the adoration for her new husband, I know she must have been thinking that all that waiting, all that pain was worth it.

And the groom! Even a blind person could see how much he loves that woman. Ephesians 5:25 was mentioned in the ceremony, where husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loves the church. I’ve heard that verse so many times, but man, today it just seemed to click with me. His love for us isn’t an obligatory, stale, “churchy” love. It’s the love of a groom for his bride, a husband for his wife.

So many times we get this twisted and we’re trying to find that love in a man or a woman, a human who will fail us but yet we’re taking our whole beings to them in selfishness saying, “Here, meet my needs! Fix me and complete me and love me unconditionally”. When, first off, they’re human. They can’t fix or complete us anymore than we can fix or complete ourselves. And if we don’t realize and fully grasp that the Author of true Love sent His only Son to die on a cross because He loved us that much? We’re really missing the point.

He’s really been overwhelming my heart lately with examples of His love, in the smallest things. As if He needed to go to any more lengths or measures to prove His love to me! But He’s just that good. Like right now, I’m on my way home and I can see what looks like a thousand stars through the sunroof. The same God who loves me knows each one of those stars by name, even the ones I can’t see. Wow.

And as I type this, Issac Slade of The Fray is singing, “Oh, be My baby. Oh, and I’ll look after you. You are so beautiful to Me” through my iPod earphones.

There’s just moments, you know? Moments where you forget the silliness of life and realize what and Who is really important. Moments you’re totally overwhelmed, in the best way possible.

4:26am.

I officially hate daylight savings time.

Because I went to sleep at 11pm (it felt like 12am) and now, it feels like almost 5:30 to me but it's only 4:26!

And so I sit, in the hotel room, watching the fro guy (I don't know his name, I think this is public television?) paint landscapes and give life advice....

"Just go with it, it's a happy accident"

"Happy little trees!"

"Gotta have some dark, can't have just light or it won't stand out....it's just like life, gotta have some dark days in with all the good ones or they'd all seem the same!"

This is way more amusing in the wee hours than it would be in the daytime.

EDIT: Fro guy's name is Bob Ross.

EDIT 2.0: .....RIP, Bob Ross. After a quick Google search, I see he passed away in 1995. This explains the fro.

You're everything good in my life, everything honest and true.

I've been in somewhat of an odd mood the past few days. On one hand, I'm feeling quite happy and blessed...the holiday season (Halloween-New Year's) always seems to help my crazy brain and heart pause for a minute (or two or three) and just drink in life and all the simple things that make it wonderful. I'm reminded of just how blessed I am. On the other hand however, recent situations have irritated me, bringing up past hurts and anger and have tried to just put me in a bad mood about life in general. I tend to be a girl of absolutes. Either everything is awesome, or everything is horrible. But in growing up and becoming the young woman God wants me to be, I'm realizing that life doesn't work that way. Sure, some days it's greater than I ever imagined, and other days not so much. But in the end, God is still God. I was reminded of this fact tonight, both from experiences and then when signing onto my computer, seeing the Scripture of the day that was on BibleGateway.com:

When his voice resounds,
He holds nothing back.
God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
He does great things beyond our understanding.
He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’ -- Job 37:4-6

He does great things beyond our understanding. Life happens. It's good, it's bad, it's ugly, it's amazing. But God's still at work in all of this. His grace, His love, His power and sovereignty aren't tied to our circumstances. And He holds it all in His hands. We might not understand it all the time, simply because He's too vast for our human brains to comprehend, but He's still there. And there's a plan in all of it. It's just up to us -- to me -- to remember that and trust in that.

"So—who is like me?
Who holds a candle to me?" says The Holy.
Look at the night skies:
Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night,
counts them off, calls each by name
—so magnificent! so powerful!—
and never overlooks a single one?

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind. -- Isaiah 40:25-31 (The Message)

Here we are, we're still here. And what a beautiful mess this is.

Here we go! After a couple of years of writing notes every now and then on Facebook, I decided to create a home for all my thoughts. This definitely isn't the first blog I've started, however. I've had Xangas, LiveJournals, wrote notes on MySpace, you name it, I've done it. I'm hoping that I can keep this active and that something you read here will inspire you, help you in some way or reveal more of His love in your life.

I decided on the title for this blog pretty easily, actually. I was thinking about it for awhile and trying to come up with something that would reflect who I am and what God's helping me become. While I was thinking about it, the song A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz came on my iTunes. It's a great song, one of my favorites. Right above that on shuffle was I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie, another song close to my heart. I glanced at my playlist and realized that merged together and shortened a bit, the two songs reflected pretty much exactly what this blog is about. Life isn't always pretty, it gets messy, but I'm learning day-by-day to trust Him with all. It's the good and bad, the easy and not-so-easy. I hope to be transparent here, sharing my joys and struggles, stories about the people I love and those who have inspired me, and just random thoughts from my head. Put it all together by His hands, you have yourself a 'beautiful mess'.