Gravity's pulling, You're still holding my heart.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and My door's always open
You can come anytime you want." -- She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5

That song, especially the particular quoted part came to mind tonight in Vessels. It was a night of laughs and almost-tears, jokes and honesty, "humanness" and rawness.

Life isn't always fun. In fact, most days, it's pretty dang hard. The pressures of 'living up to it all' can just about crush you if you're not careful.

However, call me Pollyanna or Izzie Stevens all you want, I am determined to still find the good in life. I don't believe God put us on this earth to 'hold out til Heaven'. He told us to pray "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." I want to experience a little taste of Heaven on Earth, every day. And some days it might be an overwhelming revelation, or a huge breakthrough. But some days it's the things you weren't even looking for...closure, being His mouthpiece when it's you that needs the encouragement, newfound friendships and laughing about silly stuff, Starbucks on a Texas winter day.

I've heard a quote that said "If He's not Lord of all, He's not Lord at all." Honestly, it kinda rubbed me the wrong way at first, seeming a little judgmental and harsh. But if you think about it, it's true. If He's not Lord of my good days as well as my bad days, is He really my Lord? If I'm only crying and whining to Him when I'm in trouble or hurting and not rejoicing and thanking Him for the good, what kind of relationship is that? If I had someone that I called my 'best friend' yet only asked them for things and help all the time without ever really sitting down to listen to them or talk to them....how long do you think we would have that friendship? How deep of a friendship would that be?

I want to laugh with Him and cry with Him, sing praises and give thanks. "All of my life, in every season; You are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship." All. Good and bad, even ugly. Harvest and drought. In everything.

IZZIE: I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year, and I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we'll all be okay. I believe a lot of things....I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive. -- Grey's Anatomy

You're everything good in my life, everything honest and true.

I've been in somewhat of an odd mood the past few days. On one hand, I'm feeling quite happy and blessed...the holiday season (Halloween-New Year's) always seems to help my crazy brain and heart pause for a minute (or two or three) and just drink in life and all the simple things that make it wonderful. I'm reminded of just how blessed I am. On the other hand however, recent situations have irritated me, bringing up past hurts and anger and have tried to just put me in a bad mood about life in general. I tend to be a girl of absolutes. Either everything is awesome, or everything is horrible. But in growing up and becoming the young woman God wants me to be, I'm realizing that life doesn't work that way. Sure, some days it's greater than I ever imagined, and other days not so much. But in the end, God is still God. I was reminded of this fact tonight, both from experiences and then when signing onto my computer, seeing the Scripture of the day that was on BibleGateway.com:

When his voice resounds,
He holds nothing back.
God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
He does great things beyond our understanding.
He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’ -- Job 37:4-6

He does great things beyond our understanding. Life happens. It's good, it's bad, it's ugly, it's amazing. But God's still at work in all of this. His grace, His love, His power and sovereignty aren't tied to our circumstances. And He holds it all in His hands. We might not understand it all the time, simply because He's too vast for our human brains to comprehend, but He's still there. And there's a plan in all of it. It's just up to us -- to me -- to remember that and trust in that.

"So—who is like me?
Who holds a candle to me?" says The Holy.
Look at the night skies:
Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night,
counts them off, calls each by name
—so magnificent! so powerful!—
and never overlooks a single one?

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind. -- Isaiah 40:25-31 (The Message)