1.20.2011

and My own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight.

Life is a journey, not a sprint. I'm not sure who first spoke those words, but I'm sure they were speaking to a girl with a brain and heart like mine.

I'm an end-game chick, I read books with a vengeance to find out what happens. I love the happily ever afters and I love the time at Christmas when all the gifts have been opened and there are no more secrets.

But life is a mystery, and Rome wasn't built in a day. I have to remind myself of this daily, almost minute to minute, really. My relationship with Him will not develop rapidly overnight and my success and progress in life won't either. It's the little steps that get me where I want to be. And even when I'm "there", wherever "there" may be for me right now, I know I'll be striving for yet another seemingly distant destination of imagined contentment.

Life moves at a quick pace, it never stops for anyone. We're always growing and changing and evolving. And thank goodness! It'd be quite boring if we were the same all the time.

"You are the books you read, the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner.

You are a collective of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every single day. So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence. Let the words run through your veins and let the colors fill your mind until there is nothing left to do but explode. There are no wrong answers. Inspiration is everything. Sit back, relax and take it all in.

Now, go out and create something."
-- Jac Vanek

1.06.2011

“Love is a gift, not an obligation.”

The peace I’m feeling today is such a overwhelming feeling, yet in a gentle way. Last night was the first night of Great Expectations: A Night Of Worship at Calvary, and it was exactly what my heart and soul needed. I’m experiencing Him like never before. I feel such a call to quiet myself and really listen. That can sometimes be a stretch for me, because I'm a talker. I communicate, I'm expressive, it's what I do and who I am. But He's telling me to listen. Listen to what He has to say — about me, about Himself and His love for me, about His plans for my life — read His Word and not because it’s what I’m “supposed to do” but because I actually want to. And really, isn’t that how He wants us to live?

I know there will be days I don’t feel this way, and I’ll be lazy and not want to read or journal or talk to Him. Lord knows I’ve had many of those days. But I know that He understands. And I know He’s drawing me into a deeper relationship, where it’s not all lip-service and pretty words, but actions and what drives me.

It's a long journey, from who I've been -- what I've been labeled as and in turn what I've believed about myself -- to who He's always seen me as. But no matter how long the journey, they always start with a single step. And another. And then another. And I'm walking, slowly but surely.